It is easy to overlook the fact that the parent is just as much involved in the school community as the child. In boarding schools, more so. Every parent is familiar with the traditional parent evenings when teachers reflect on their children’s progress. This is usually the limit to traditional schools’ parental involvement and is the reason behind some parents remaining unaware of their children’s school lives. Many parents will request their children’s grades as the only measure of their performance at school, and that is the worst way to connect with and understand your child’s life. School is so much more than grades, it defines a child’s lifestyle, and the more you are involved with the school, the more you are involved with your kids.
Important moments
At boarding schools, children’s lives are enriched by unlimited extracurricular events: student society activities, Sports Days and regular fixtures (home and away), theatrical plays, festivals, award presentations, concerts and much more. The focus of these activities are to explore children’s interests, motivate them to pursue their talents, keep them engaged with the school community and put on a good face for the school. Each and every one of these activities speak to the souls of children as this is something they can resonate with and actually enjoy. Extracurriculars are the best way for children to make friends, learn sports-man-like attitude that is the bedrock of appropriate manners, and to explore their social side - without such activities, it is hard for children to become involved in their school life.
The only people that can motivate children to engage in these activities are their parents. Teachers are usually concerned with reporting to parents that their children are doing something, so they usually force kids to sign up to endless extracurricular activities just for the sake of it. Other kids may be inviting, however, once friend groups start to form within one or the other club, it is harder and harder to be a newbie there. Moreover, parents can motivate children to persist and become better in one or the other extracurricular activity. I remember playing fixtures against other schools and seeing other kids’ parents come to the matches, cheer for their name, bring pets, snacks and little presents. I had to eat the school’s tasteless lunches and hear only the teacher yell at me to play better. Who do you think was more motivated to carry on playing the sport?
My parents had limited availability to come see me at every fixture I played, and I am compassionate that this will be the case for many families of foreign students. On the other hand, when I knew my parents would come to a big game, a play or an awards ceremony, the whole day itself was a fiesta for me. The point I am trying to deliver is that every little thing matters and there is never no opportunity to visit your kids. Although, it is obviously best not to be excessive.
The only people that can motivate children to engage in these activities are their parents. Teachers are usually concerned with reporting to parents that their children are doing something, so they usually force kids to sign up to endless extracurricular activities just for the sake of it. Other kids may be inviting, however, once friend groups start to form within one or the other club, it is harder and harder to be a newbie there. Moreover, parents can motivate children to persist and become better in one or the other extracurricular activity. I remember playing fixtures against other schools and seeing other kids’ parents come to the matches, cheer for their name, bring pets, snacks and little presents. I had to eat the school’s tasteless lunches and hear only the teacher yell at me to play better. Who do you think was more motivated to carry on playing the sport?
My parents had limited availability to come see me at every fixture I played, and I am compassionate that this will be the case for many families of foreign students. On the other hand, when I knew my parents would come to a big game, a play or an awards ceremony, the whole day itself was a fiesta for me. The point I am trying to deliver is that every little thing matters and there is never no opportunity to visit your kids. Although, it is obviously best not to be excessive.
The only people that can motivate children to engage in these activities are their parents.
Teachers are usually concerned with reporting to parents that their children are doing something, so they usually force kids to sign up to endless extracurricular activities just for the sake of it. Other kids may be inviting, however, once friend groups start to form within one or the other club, it is harder and harder to be a newbie there. Moreover, parents can motivate children to persist and become better in one or the other extracurricular activity. I remember playing fixtures against other schools and seeing other kids’ parents come to the matches, cheer for their name, bring pets, snacks and little presents. I had to eat the school’s tasteless lunches and hear only the teacher yell at me to play better. Who do you think was more motivated to carry on playing the sport?
My parents had limited availability to come see me at every fixture I played, and I am compassionate that this will be the case for many families of foreign students. On the other hand, when I knew my parents would come to a big game, a play or an awards ceremony, the whole day itself was a fiesta for me. The point I am trying to deliver is that every little thing matters and there is never no opportunity to visit your kids. Although, it is obviously best not to be excessive.
My parents had limited availability to come see me at every fixture I played, and I am compassionate that this will be the case for many families of foreign students. On the other hand, when I knew my parents would come to a big game, a play or an awards ceremony, the whole day itself was a fiesta for me. The point I am trying to deliver is that every little thing matters and there is never no opportunity to visit your kids. Although, it is obviously best not to be excessive.
Boundaries
There are different types of parents.
I remember some would call their children every day and travel halfway across the globe if their little precious one had a fever. On the other hand, there were others who would forget they even had a kid after dropping them off at college.
I think it is best to be a balanced parent. Boarding schools focus on teaching children independence, a valuable life skill, especially if you acquire it early, but it is hard for them to deliver on this if parents keep getting in the way. Moreover, an unhealthy attachment to their parents may harm the child’s social life at school. Most children, especially teenagers, will put on the classic act of letting their parents know that they want to distance themselves as they are their own person.
They may not realise it at the time, but being there for them during important moments like the ones described above, will stay in their memory as reminiscence of a joyful childhood.
Because children like to play being independent, especially when they attend boarding school, they may not make you aware of all the important moments going on in their life. If you are that kind of parent I described in my opening statement that is only concerned with grades, children will have even less motivation to share anything else with you. Therefore, you have to find the means for being aware of the school environment and what is happening there. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to do so. Most schools will usually have a parent portal on their website where you can track the school’s timetable, see important news and events, and, relax, view your child’s academic progress. Moreover, it is always good to follow the school’s socials.
There you will find endless resources, and probably even know more about what is happening at the school than your child. This will help you prepare in advance for important school events, give you a good means for surprising your child with a pop-up visit, as well show the school itself that you are an involved and interested parent. Your involvement with the school is beneficial in every aspect for your kid, for staff and for the business.
Adults
Private schools in the UK are more than just educational establishments - they are institutions, mostly charities, which support long standing British traditions and have a renowned reputation in academia.
Being associated with the school goes beyond your child studying there, the school stays with them for the rest of your life and becomes a part of your family’s character.
It is generally expected that parents are involved with the school just as much as the children. Therefore, the school will host many events targeted specifically at parents - parent evenings, dinners, chapel services, charity events, drinks and others. Discussions that are overheard at these events beyond small talk are generally regarding contributions to the school, decisions on new student societies and theatrical play titles, children’s progress and any new executive decisions that the school is acting on. It is a great opportunity to bond with the teachers, get them to know your family better, explain any exceptional circumstances that a child may not be able to convey to the teachers, and understand how you may better support your child in their studies at home. Perhaps there are behaviours that a child is exhibiting at the school and not at home, or vice versa - such events are a great opportunity to discuss them.
Moreover, your involvement with the school will help you become more engaged with the other parents. I remember at Sports Days, families will join picnics; at concerts, parents will bond over their children having similar interests; after chapel services, parents of different families will go and hit the restaurants in town together. There are only positives that arise from this engagement: parents of children who study at private schools are undoubtedly successful people and are always a useful connection to have; children will sometimes stay over at each other’s houses for weekends and it is great if you know the family of the child you are accommodating; you can settle any disputes that may arise between your children and agree on parenting strategies; you can make lifelong friendships. The list is endless.
Closing thoughts
The key take home message of this article is that parents should be involved with the school just as much as the children are.
Distance is a hurdle in this process, however, there are always opportunities you can take to overcome this. Engaging with the school will only benefit your child, your family and yourself in unforeseen ways. Having left school, it is probably the last place you will come back to as an established adult to bond with others; however, it is probably the only place where you will meet a cohort of like-minded people, more appealing to develop into life-long friendships. Seeing your children at their most social age, making friends, can teach you a thing or two.
